We all have struggles in the motherhood life. Twin motherhood can be different than anybody can understand unless you have twins. It can be hard to find your twin mom groove and sometimes we may wonder why we were chosen to be moms of twins.
P.S. Hi, if you don’t know me, my name is Tracy Murdock and I felt God call me to start writing to uplift more twin moms and their twin families through this blog Your Twin Mom and children’s books. I’m so happy you are here on this journey with me!
The top struggles I hear for twin moms include:
feeling tired, feeling we are not enough, there’s never enough time with each twin, schedules, feeding, health issues, isolation, marriage difficulties, and last but most importantly, twin moms being way to hard on themselves.
I’d love to hear from you, What are you biggest twin mom struggles?
For me, I struggled with perfection and approval.
For a while, I tried to meet the standards of what I thought made an AMAZING mom. I thought it meant I was a mixture of an AMAZING baker, crafter, costume maker, house cleaner, fun, church-going, patient & consistent wife and mom….BOY was I wrong. I remember writing a post about all of these things I wanted to be as a mom, and I just broke down in tears because it was so far fetched and so not me.
Although, God put it in my heart to have fun as a mom and I still love to get creative with my kids in my own way, I couldn’t see that the messes and struggles I was having as a mom, were signs of the gifts God blessed me with as a twin mom. So, I was losing sight of the blessings I was given as a mom of twins.
I kept trying to cling onto to an image or an outline of a good mom, but none of them fit me, Tracy. You see, I so dearly wanted to lead a family and have a strong family foundation as a strong loving twin mom…but I had a bumpy childhood with inconsistency and hurt along the way. Although, God starting with my trust in God from our Twin Prayers during my twin pregnancy, He has helped me find forgiveness and restoration for my childhood family, I still was at a loss as to how I could be a good mom since I did not grow up in a perfect family.
I needed to look deeper, so next I tried to be a perfect Christian mom and although I was getting closer to what my heart needed to hear, I was still not meeting all of the standards of any one perfect image of a mom.
My twins are now 4 1/2 and i have a son who is 2 and finally I am seeing that what is takes to be an AMAZING TWIN MOM was always there inside me and it’s inside of you too! And let me give you a hint that it has nothing to do with having a perfect past or whether you meet specific standards.
If I was a new twin mom, I wish someone could have whispered these things to me:
5 ways to be an AMAZING TWIN MOM:
1. Believe you are loved so you can love yourself
When I started the twin mom journey, I had just reached many of my personal goals-I was married to a amazing husband who loved me and I was beginning my dream teaching career…but still I did not feel happy and I was constantly leaning on approval from others for the love feeling (which was inconsistent because we are all only humans). So, when I found out I was pregnant with twins I started to pray…for peace, forgiveness, and love in my heart. I knew being a mom of twins, I would need more of something, so I started seeking. Now I have the love of God in my heart. I am confident that He loves me very much and so I am loving myself very much now too and it’s not because I checked off enough standards of the perfect mom or perfect Christian even, it’s just because He loves me so much no matter what and guess what He loves you too so please love yourself twin moms!
2. Believe YOU are destined to be the mom of your twins
I hope Your Twin Mom is a place you can come as you are and we can respect each others’ plans and choices as moms because are each on our own path, with our own values and circumstances. No comparing to other moms, of singletons or of other twin moms! Hearing your own intuition, your own heart, is hearing God’s plan for you. Even other twin moms will have many opinions but when you can listen to your inner mommy, you will hear God and He will guide you to figure out what works best for you as your own best twin mom and for your twin family.
3. Ask for help in prayer from God and from loved ones
Yes, we believe we can do it all. God puts that strength in us, but sometimes we forget where it comes from and how to ask for help when we burn out.You can come as you are twin mama! You can be like me in the first year with twins, in tears in the middle of the night comforting one of your twin babies while the other twin baby is still crying out, needing you and you can just bring it to Jesus. Feel the presence with which He surrounds you and your babies with, just imagining His arms are right by you and with each of your babies, hugging you the whole time…even when it feels like you are alone in the dark (and maybe you are literally in the dark) but these are the best times I found God’s love for me because guess what, I made it through those dark nights in my own imperfect loving twin mommy way and I give the glory to God for that. There were nights when I just ran of milk, or was exhausted, healing in pain and He gave me what I needed.
4. Seek Opportunities in the Struggles
We trip on toys, we clean up messes that get messy again, some days it feels like we do nothing because we cannot hear or see good, but we need to remember twin mom life is filled with struggles and struggling twin moms are not weak twin moms-they are twin moms being made into God’s masterpieces….
Okay, we all know that being a twin mom is not like the happy mom pictures we see in the media. It is filled with messes (which I talk about in my children’s book) but there is so much good you are doing in the struggles, it’s just you being aware of the blessings surrounding you. God promises to always create good out of our struggles so just be on the lookout for miracles God is working on around you and speak out in thanks for anything good you see to protect yourself from the enemy’s negativity. I like to push past the enemy’s negativity by doing something fun or laughing at the messes (most of the time)…it’s funny how many times the moment just did not seem right to pull out a fun craft or a book and we create joy out of the chaos anyways because God put it in my heart to have fun with my kids and He helps me bring it together:) Taking pictures of little blessings in the day, helped slow down as well.
5. Forgive yourself and give yourself grace
I know it is both fun and hard when people tell you to “enjoy your kids”…the hard part for me is when it almost feels like pressure to be happy all the time. I know they mean well, but I love when they ask me how I am doing. The first mom to ever do this was another twin mom, I ran into at the library after a storytime class and it was just great to be honest about the season I was in at the time. We all make mistakes and if we remember we can admit them, ask God to help us and forgive us, then we are free to move forward on our journey in being the AMAZING twin mom we want to be.
Share any comments about some of the best things other moms have said to you as a comfort or for inspiration in your tough mom moments.
A prayer for finding your own inner AMAZING Twin Mom:
I thank you that you are a glorious God that loves each of us twin moms and all moms, so much!
It has been a struggle for me to get it together as a mom, and I just thank you so much for your love and your grace in each and every mess I make.
Thank you that we can come to you as we are, no matter how messy we feel.
I ask to help me to see the love you have for me and help me to come to you and pray any time I need your guidance as a mom of twins. It can be hard to hear you over the cries and see the glory past the messes that surround me as a busy twin mom.
Remind me Lord God and speak through others around me Lord God to show me that it is not about what I DO with my twins, but that I move forward in grace and love as a mom for myself and my twin family. Help me spread your love light to others you bring around me.
Help me to see who you created me to be as a twin mom. Help to see the gifts you have given me, so I can pour those out into my family and other twin families. I ask you for strength and positive thoughts to come into my heart when the enemy strikes with “you are not good enough to be a twin mom”. Help me to see that with your love and you working in me in every single choice I make as a mom, that you will give me everything I need to be an AMAZING twin mom in your eyes.
Thank you for your glory and your grace and for never giving up on me and my twin mom heart.
In Jesus’ Name we pray,
SO keep leading your imperfect yet loving family twin mom! With God in your heart, and lots of prayer, you can be your OWN version of the AMAZING twin mom God made you to be.
Thank you and I can’t wait to see you back here again for Twin Momspiration Tuesdays at 6:30 PT.